Vin Diesel and Paul Walker are now roommates for some reason. One day Walker comes home from working at the FBI and Diesel is on the couch playing Mario Kart 64 with some other dudes, and Walker's like "Yo Vin, did you buy any milk?" but he didn't buy any milk because he was playing video games all day. Walker is like "You're making me furious!" then he goes to buy the milk. After he's gone, Diesel's Mario Kart buddies are like "That guy's a pussy, why do you still live with him?" and Diesel just says "Oh, I have my reasons..." then he fires a turtle shell at the other guy and wins the race. "Looks like I won, Princess," he says (the other guy was using the Princess Peach character), "Now fork it over, bitch." Then the other guy hands Vin Diesel a big bag of delicious heroin. And the bag has a picture of Wario on it.
The next day, Paul Walker is at the FBI Building when his boss is like "Walker, see me in my office!" So Walker goes in there and the boss fires him from the FBI because he says he found heroin in his locker. Walker's like "That ain't my heroin!!" so the boss says he'll have to take a drug test. Walker's like "fine" and takes the specimen cup to go and fill it up, but the boss stops him and says "No. I want you do it here. In front of me. I want to watch you pee in this cup." So he does, and then he gets fired because even though it wasn't his heroin, he smokes weed every day and the drug test revealed that to the boss. Also, the bag of heroin that they found had a picture of Wario on it. So Walker goes home and tells Diesel that he got fired, but then he sees that Vinny Boy also has a bag of Wario Heroin. He's like "what the fuck, did you frame me bro?" and Diesel says that the guy who gave him the heroin must have framed Walker because he beat him at Mario Kart, and he wanted Paul to think Vin was the one who framed him because he is jealous of their love.
Vin & Paul furiously and fastly drive to the heroin dealer's house. When they get there Paul Walker jumps his car onto the roof somehow, and Vin Diesel fires turtle shells at the house. Paul yells down the chimney, "You better get out here fast, because I'm furiouser than ever!!" Suddenly, Heroin Dealer drives his own car out of the second floor of the house and lands on the neighbor's roof. He's like "Fuck you, Paul Walker!" then he drives away, jumping from rooftop-to-rooftop, while Walker gives chase. Vin Diesel is still following them from the road. When they finally run out of rooftops, HD and Walker jump their cars onto the road and HD starts throwing banana peels behind him to try and slip up Vin & Paul. So Paul & Vin have to slow down a little to avoid slipping on all these banana peels, and as they're driving next to each other, Vin says "I think we should use the Sandwich Technique!" Paul understands, so they both count to three and then fire the nitros so they speed up next to HD. Now one of them is driving on either side of the Heroin Dealer, and he's panicking and shit, yelling "What the fuck do you want??" And Vin Diesel is like "We wanna make you fuckin' sandwich, Princess" and then Vin Diesel and Paul Walker each pull out a fucking Uzi and start firing bullets into HD. They shoot the fucking shit out of him.
A few minutes later, they're finally out of bullets so they stop and look in the back of HD's car. They find more bags of Wario Heroin and some files that explain how he planned to frame Paul & Vin for assassinating the president. They're like "whaaaaaat" then suddenly we cut to the White House, where The President is walking outside in his bathrobe to pick up his morning paper. But when he picks it up, someone shoots him in the head!! Then, we pull back to reveal that the sniper who shot him is none other than Michelle Rodriguez, Vin Diesel's allegedly dead girlfriend! She makes a phone call to HD, but because he's dead, VD answers it. MR is like "It's done. Are Diesel and Walker in position?" and Vin's like "Uh... yes?" Somehow they don't recognize each other's voices. Then Michelle's like "Good, then your work is done." and she presses a big red button. HD's car starts beeping, so Vin and Paul jump out of the way in slow motion as it explodes. Paul Walker's like "This all could've been avoided if you bought some milk" and Vin Diesel replies "Suck my dick" Then they laugh and high-five. Meanwhile, Michelle Rodriguez gets into her own car and drives it into the white house. Her car has three turtle shells spinning around it so nobody can do anything to stop her.