Dreamcatcher

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0285531/

We open on someone drawing a dreamcatcher, because that’s the name of the movie. He also writes “SSDD” next to it, which is something that will be repeated several times in the next 2 hours but isn’t really important. Some fat guy is going on and on about food, and we cut to a wide shot (get it, because he’s fat) to reveal that we’re in a psychiatrist’s office. The psychiatrist is of course Thomas Jane, and he’s like “Do you think you’re eating yourself to death because you blame yourself for killing your mother? After all, she did call out to you from her death bed and said that she was having chest pains” and he goes into more detail about it while Fat Guy is all “Whaaat, I never said that?? How could you know that?? How???” Thomas Jane doesn’t answer, he just keeps telling him what a fat fuck he is for not helping his mother until Fat Guy is like “Get out of my head!” and his fatness breaks the couch as he runs out of the room.

Thomas Jane feels bad about what he just did, so he throws down his notepad, then pulls a gun out of his desk drawer and holds it to his head. Before he can pull the trigger, the phone rings. Thomas Jane’s suicidal tendencies won’t be mentioned again, but you should still remember this moment when something happens later involving these two characters and a gun and a phone, because it contains some interesting clues to unlocking the mystery of Dreamcatcher. Anyway, when the phone rings, Thomas Jane is like “Jonesy?” then when he’s putting the gun away he accidentally fires it into the wall.
Thomas Jane picks up the phone and Jonesy (Damian Lewis) is like “What's goin’ on, bro?” and Henry (Thomas Jane) replies “SSDD, bro” and Jonesy’s like “Hell yeah.” SSDD indeed. Jonesy tells Henry that they should go and see “Duddits” this weekend, because “It’s been a long time.” Henry agrees and they hang up. Jonesy is a college professor, and one of his students comes in to his office. The student cheated on his test, but Jonesy is going to let him off the hook because he knows what a hard time this kid has had. The kid is like “Thanks, but how did you know?? How???” Jonesy says he just knows.

Pete (Timothy Olyphant) is a car salesman, and he’s just sitting around bored when some woman comes in and tells him that she lost her keys and she needs to borrow a car or something. Pete is like “Easy, Trish, I’ll help you find your keys” and she’s like “How did you know my name??? How????” In case you haven’t figured it out, these characters have goddamn psychic powers. So Pete and Trish go to a convenience store, and Pete twirls his finger around, which he explains is something he does to help retrace his steps. He tells her that she purchased a Mars Bar, then she went out to her car and dropped the keys in a puddle right next to it. Before he actually finds her keys, though, he’s like “I’ll make you a deal - If I find your keys, then you come and eat some fried clams with me!” This guy is no Rayland Givens when it comes to the ladies. She’s weirded out by this so she lies that she’ll meet him later, then takes her keys and drives away. Pete says to himself, “Another fuckerow...” Yep.
Jason Lee is sitting in a bar, playing around with his wedding ring. He’s also wearing thick glasses and chewing on a toothpick. This guy loves toothpicks. He goes outside to a phone booth and makes a call to Jonesy. After they get their “SSDD”’s out of the way, Jason Lee acts weird and just tells Jonesy to be careful. Careful of what? He doesn’t know. By the way, Jason Lee’s character is named Beaver.

Jonesy leaves his office and walks outside to the street. He looks across the street and sees something that we don’t see, and whatever it is makes him walk on the busy street and get run over by a car. Cut to Jonesy’s point of view in the back of an ambulance. The doctors are like “Looks like his dead” then it fades to black for a second, but comes back and there’s a weird little kid with a speech impediment staring at Jonesy. He’s says “Ook out fuh ishter gay” the he smiles. This kid is Duddits. They explain it in a minute anyway.
Six months later. Jonesy, Henry, Pete & Beaver arrive at their cabin in the mountains. There is a dreamcatcher hanging in the cabin, because that’s the name of the movie. While cooking dinner, Beav and Pete share some awesome dialogue, like “Got blown last night!” “First time?” “Bite my bag” then Beaver goes on about the differences between “fuckerees” and “fuckerows” for a while and they talk about how great Viagra is.

Outside, Jonesy and Henry are collecting firewood. Jonesy’s like “Remember how we were going to visit Duddits six months ago, but we never did because I got hit by that car? Well here’s something about that day which I never told you about in the last six months...” He tells Henry that he saw Duddits on the other side of the street, calling out for help “just like that day when they first met him” and we see a flashback of Duddits standing across the street in his underwear, all beat up. Henry’s like “Duddits loves me, so why would he call me into the street to get hit?” Henry doesn’t know yet, but he’ll figure it out later.

Later, the four guys are all hanging out and drinking, talking about Kiefer Sutherland and shit. Beaver tells them all some great Kiefer trivia, and Jonesy says “I’ll file that in the Who Give’s A Shit section of my Memory Warehouse.” Beaver’s like “Huh?? What’s the Memory Warehouse??” like they haven’t been friends for 30 years and don’t know everything about each other. So then they awkwardly explain the idea of the Memory Warehouse.
Jonesy says that when he learns new shit, he has to throw out old shit from his Memory Warehouse. So we see him in a literal warehouse moving around huge files with labels like “New Laptop” and “Kiefer Sutherland Facts”. Henry asks him what he does with all the old files, and Jonesy says he burns them. This warehouse is all a metaphor inside his head or some such shit. It doesn't physically exit. I mean I don't think it does.
We see him in his warehouse taking some files labeled “Jerk-Off Fantasies” and “Sports Humiliations” and throwing them in a furnace. He goes on to explain that if there’s a file he really wants to save, he goes and hides it in his office where he keeps all his “secret stuff”. The office inside his Memory Warehouse inside his head. So we see him saving the lyrics to Blue Bayou with some other secret stuff like “60s Folk” and “Fantasy Moms”.
Beav asks where Jonesy keeps all the stuff on Duddits. Turns out Duds “has a special section of his own on the third level.” This segues nicely into the subject of Duddits, now that the Memory Warehouse bullshit is out of the way. Pete says he can’t stop thinking about The Duds lately, and Beav says “It’s this place, he’s all around it even though he’s never been in it.” Sure, Beav. Beaver is still chewing on goddamn toothpicks by the way. He also says his catchphrase, “Fuck me Freddy” for the first time, but fuck ME Freddy, it won’t be the last. So the guys all make a toast to Duddits, their “dreamcatcher”, because that’s the name of the movie.
Derry, Maine. Twenty years earlier. We see the four guys as teenagers, walking along the train tracks. Also, they’re dressed exactly the same as they are 20 years later, so you know who’s who. Beaver is literally wearing the same denim jacket and glasses, he’s just missing the toothpick. They’re going to some deserted building to look at a photo of “the homecoming queen’s pussy”. When they get there, Young Beaver finds some kid’s shirt on the ground and he’s like “Fuck me, Freddy!” (#2) They also find a Scooby-Doo lunchbox with Douglas (Duddits) Cavel’s name on it, and Young Beav guesses that it must belong to “one of those kids from the Retard Academy.” Then they hear some kid screaming from behind the building and go to investigate.

Three Jock dudes (one of them is literally holding a football) are holding onto Young Duddits and trying to make him eat dog crap. They’re really super-serious about making this small retarded child eat this piece of shit, and they tell the four guys to get out of here. But they’re not going anywhere. Well maybe Young Pete is, because he’s like “Just say the word, I’ll run and get help” and Bully #3 is like “I could catch that little dick” but Young Henry is like “Do you know who this is? This is fucking Pete Moore!” The bullies are shocked by this, because it turns out Pete Moore is the Fastest Kid in Derry, Maine, and he’ll run off and tell the cops. Anyway they save the retarded kid and young Beaver sings “Blue Bayou” to him. This is the most embarrassing scene in the movie, except for maybe the other flashback scene that happens later. They give Young Duddits back his Scooby-Doo lunch box, and Duddits kisses it and sings the Scooby-Doo theme song in his very retarded voice. So his name is actually Douglas, but he pronounces it Duddits. Also they don’t get to see the homecoming queen’s pussy.
Back in the present, Pete & Henry are buying some hotdogs from the local store. The old guy at the store is like “Yep, storm’s a-brewin’” then they leave. Jonesy is hunting in the forest and it starts snowing. He’s about to shoot a deer or something, when some fat guy (no relation to Fat Guy from earlier) gets in the way. The guy is stumbling all over the place, so Jonesy goes and helps him. They get back to the cabin and the guy introduces himself as Rick McCarthy. They talk about the dreamcatcher for a second, because that’s the name of the movie, then Rick burps in Jonesy’s face and says he’s “been doing that all night”, since he ate some berries. Also Jonesy notices a weird lump sticking out of Rick McCarthy’s chest.

Henry & Pete are driving back to the cabin. Henry tells Pete about how six months ago he humiliated that fat guy in the first scene of the movie. Then a couple of days ago, he saw his picture in the paper. Turns out he “ate himself to death”. Back at the cabin, Jonesy gives Rick McCarthy some soup and Beav enters with another of his famous catchphrases, “Jesus Christ Bananas, some fuckerow this is turning out to be!” Beav meets Rick, and comments on how fucked up he looks. Rick explains the fucked-upedness as a peanut allergy, but Jonesy & Beav share a look like “that don’t look like no allergy I ever seen”. Rick burps again, and Beaver says “Bitch in a buzz saw!”, his other famous catch phrase. Then Rick farts loudly, and Jonesy notices that huge lump in his chest has moved down to his stomach, and figures now is a good time for Rick to go and take a nap. They help him lie down, making sure to tell him where the bathroom is, just in case an alien worm needs to come out of his asshole or something (spoiler alert).

Back on the road, the storm has gotten worse and Henry & Pete almost hit someone who is sitting in the middle of the road. Their car totally flips over and lands upside-down. They climb out of the car and start laughing. Back at the cabin, Jonesy & The Beav wonder what the hell’s up with Rick, while Beav eats some peanut butter out of the jar with his fingers. Peanut butter calms him down. Jonesy notices something weird happening outside. All of the animals in the forest are running somewhere, all in the same direction. Beav says another famous catchphrase, “Criminettlies!” I don’t know what that means, I had to turn on the DVD subtitles to get the correct spelling.
Henry & Pete walk over to the frozen lady who made them swerve off the road. They think she’s dead, but then she punches Pete, farts, and says she has to find Rick. She has the same weird skin problem that Rick has. Jonesy & Beav are outside the cabin now, watching all the CGI animals run past them. Beaver says “Fuck me Freddy” for the fourth time, and points out that some of the animals also have the same skin problem as Rick. Maybe they have peanut allergies too. So then a chopper shows up and Beav yells to them that they have a sick guy inside the cabin who needs help. He manages to keep the toothpick in his mouth, even while yelling. The guys in the chopper are all wearing oxygen masks, and one of them yells to J & B that this area is under quarantine, and they can go fuck themselves. Then Morgan Freeman flies past in has own private helicopter and Beaver gives him the finger.

Pete & Henry carry Miss Road Kill (Pete named her that, not me) off the road to some undercover area. Pete points out to Henry that this is definitely not Same Shit Different Day, this is some Different Shit right here. They start a campfire, and Henry leaves so he can run back to the cabin, then he’ll get the snowmobile and come back for them. Pete stays with Miss Road Kill because he injured his leg, just in case you were wondering why the character who was previously established as the Fastest Kid in Derry, Maine wasn’t the one to run for help.

“This is turning into a double fuckarow. A real jobba-nobba.” says Beaver (of course). Beaver & Jonesy go back inside the cabin, and see a huge trail of blood leading from the bedroom to the bathroom. They knock on the bathroom door and ask Rick if he’s okay, and he just says he’s a little sick. The guys know something is up, and Jonesy wants to break down the door. Beav is scared, so Jonesy literally says “Scooby-Dooby-Doo, we got some work to do now”, and they get ready to knock it down. Then Jonesy hesitates and wonders, “What if we just bounce off?" Beav says “No bounce, no play” and Jonesy’s like “Oh yeah, good point” then they knock down the door.

There is blood all over the floor and walls, and Rick is sitting on the toilet, not moving. They hear something splash, so Beaver thinks Rick must still be alive and shitting, and he goes over and tells him to snap out of it, but ends up knocking him off the toilet, and the director makes sure to include a shot of Rick’s bleeding anus as he falls into the bathtub. Then we hear something splashing around inside the toilet. Beaver quickly slams the lid down and sits on it, trapping whatever’s inside. Then he flushes the toilet and he and Jonesy smile and nod at each other, like “I guess that takes care of that!”
Beaver takes a thing of toothpicks out of his pocket to celebrate this victory, but before he can put one in his mouth, the creature in the toilet hits the lid and makes him drop the toothpicks all over the bloody bathroom floor. Jonesy wants to switch places with Beaver so Beav can run down to the shed and get the friction tape, then they’ll use it to tape the lid down. The part about them switching places is stupid, so Beaver tells him to go get the tape, “If it does get out, you can’t fight it. Not with your hip.” Jonesy has been walking with a limp since he got hit by the car, by the way. So Jonesy’s like “sit tight, buddy” and runs off to get the tape. After he leaves, Beav looks at his toothpicks on the floor, and notices that one of them happened to land on a floor title that isn’t covered in blood and shit. He loves toothpicks so much that he has to try and reach for it.

Jonesy is looking for the tape in the shed, while Beav is singing “Blue Bayou” to himself back in the bathroom to calm himself down. After yelling for Jonesy to hurry the fuck up, he decides to once again try and reach for the goddamn toothpick of death. He reaches too far, and the creature in the toilet causes him to fall off, then we see a big alien worm snake thing come out and bite Beaver a couple of times. Beaver’s glasses fall off and he can’t see anything, because he’s like the Velma of this Scooby Doo gang. When he gets his glasses back on, he sees the alien worm looking right at him. It bites his fingers off, then knocks him down and Beav starts wrestling with it. Jonesy finally finds the tape, then gets back to the bathroom to see Beaver on the toilet choking his alien worm, if you know what I mean. Beav tells Jonesy to run, then the alien eats his face. So long, Beav.
The alien slithers towards Jonesy, so he closes the door, trapping it in the bathroom. It starts slamming against the door, then the doorknob breaks off and the door creaks open. Jonesy slowly turns around and looks terrified, then the worm slithers past him and up the leg of a tall, slimy alien dude. The alien dude looks Jonesy in the eye, and Jonesy’s like “What do you want?” The alien explodes into a cloud of red cocaine, and Jonesy snorts it up. That’s pretty much what happens.
Meanwhile, at the military quarantine base or whatever the fuck that they’ve set up around the general store that Pete & Henry were at earlier, we meet Colonel Abraham Curtis (Morgan Freeman) and his gigantic eyebrows. He explains that the alien red skin disease stuff has been nicknamed “Ripley”, after the broad in the Alien movies. They’re eradicating the animals as they flee the Blue Zone, and detaining civilians until they figure this shit out. Colonel Curtis tells Tom Sizemore (Tom Sizemore) that he’s in charge of the “Blue Boy Unit”, and Sizemore seems happy about that. There’s more exposition but this thing is already too long. The point is Colonel Curtis has a history with these aliens that are infecting everything and he wants to kill them all.
A soldier named “Maples” is brought into Curtis’s office by another member of the Blue Boy Unit. Apparently he disobeyed one of Colonel Curtis’s orders by allowing a mother and child to exit the Blue Zone. Maples swears that the mother & child weren’t infected, and Curtis tells him to raise his hand and really swear on it, “scouts honor”-style. Maples does that, and Colonel Curtis shoots him in the hand. “He crossed the Curtis Line!” Then Curtis gives Tom Sizemore his gun because it’s apparently a special gun that he got from John Wayne.
Pete is still sitting around the camp fire with Miss Road Kill, drinking some beers and talking to himself. We see a huge alien worm blood trail leading away from Miss Road Kill, but Pete doesn’t notice it. Back at the cabin, Jonesy drives out of the shed on the snowmobile. Then he smiles evilly, because it’s not really Jonesy, it’s the alien. Pete is drinking and talking to Miss Road Kill, and he starts ranting about how that chick from earlier didn’t meet him for fried clams. That happened six months ago, he still gives a fuck?
He also starts talking about Duddits, and how he gave them all their telepathic abilities. He theorizes that Duddits is from another planet, and that he “came here to prepare us for something. Crazy, huh?” Meanwhile, the alien worm is crawling towards him, and when Pete gets up to pee, the worm pokes its head out of the snow and bites onto his cock, so Pete runs around and ends up jumping onto the fire to burn this alien cocksucker.
Henry is still walking back to the cabin while talking to himself. There’s a lot of dudes talking to themselves in the second half of this movie. He telepathically senses Jonesy coming towards him on the snowmobile, but then he’s like “Who’s Mr. Gray? Wait a second... You’re not Jonesy!” and then he hides in the snow while Jonesy/Mr. Gray drives past. Then there’s an awesome scene where Damian Lewis argues with himself as Jonesy and Mr. Gray. When he’s talking as Mr. Gray he has a British accent. Also, Mr. Gray is like “How did you know my name??” And we see a quick flashback of Duddits saying “Watch out fuh Ishter Gay” in the ambulance in case you forgot.
Jonesy/Mr. Gray finds Pete, who quickly realizes that he’s not really Jonesy, so then Damian Lewis switches to his evil British accent and a confused Pete drunkenly yells “You sound like one of those James Bonds!” Then Mr. Gray’s eyes turn yellow and he uses The Force to choke Pete. We cut to Jonesy in his “Memory Warehouse” watching this happen, and he tells Pete to just tell Mr. Gray what he wants to know, which is how to get to Massachusetts. Pete twirls his finger around and it creates a magic tunnel thing which shows Mr. Gray where to go, I guess.
Henry gets back to the cabin. The alien blood has now spread all over the place. It’s even on the dreamcatcher, because that's the name of the movie. Henry picks up a shotgun and starts looking around, then he sees that Beaver is dead and says “Fuck me, Freddy.” In the bedroom, he finds an alien eel snake worm guarding its eggs so he shoots the worm, then lights the eggs on fire and ends up burning down the whole alien-infested cabin, including the dreamcatcher.

Flashback to 20 years ago, we see that Duddits is the one who made the dreamcatcher for the four guys. He pronounces their names “Eaver, Henny, Ownzy and Eet” because he retarded and talks like a retard in case you don’t get it. Then he declares, “I Duddits!” And they all agree, “Yes you are Duddits.” Duddits mentions saving the world and Mr. Gray again, then they use their telepathic retard powers to find a missing girl who is also from the Retard Academy. Young Pete does the finger-twirling magic thing to find her, so I guess Pete’s the only one of the four who has that power? Then the four kids realize for the first time that they can communicate telepathically. “Kiss my bender!” “You can say that again!” “I didn’t say that, I thought it!” “You guys, we can read each other’s minds!” “You can think that again!” "Bite my bananas!" "Fingeroo my fuckerino!"

Back in the present... “Right here, boss. Fast and hard.” “Wouldn’t have it any other way, Blue Boy.” Colonel Curtis and Tom Sizemore fly over the alien crash site. The aliens are like “Don’t hurt us, there is no infection” But Curtis and his Eyebrows of Steel know they’re full of shit, so the military dudes kill all the aliens. The aliens self-destruct their ship and everyone in the Blue Team dies except for Morgan Freeman and Tom Sizemore.

Jonesy/Mr. Gray and Pete are riding on the snowmobile. Pete starts talking about Duddits but Jonesy warns him not to talk about that to the British alien. So Pete says to Mr. Gray, “Bite my bag, motherfucker” and the British alien replies “Okay, I’ll bite. Your bag, and everything else.” Then he turns into a giant alien venus fly trap and eats Pete. Jonesy helplessly watches from the Memory Warehouse. Later, British Alien has made it to the main road, where he waves down a truck and eats the driver. But it happens off screen because they used all their CGI money in that big alien/Blue Team attack scene from a few minutes ago. Then British Alien senses that Jonesy is up to something inside the goddamn Memory Warehouse. Jonesy is moving his files on Duddits and hiding them in his office so Mr. Gray can’t get them. The alien chases him but Jonesy makes it to the secret office which has “SSDD” written on the door, because this “SSDD” thing is significant. Also, Jonesy is still limping even though this all takes place in his mind and that makes no sense. Whatever.

Henry skis down the mountain and meets up with the military dudes. Screen-wipe to the quarantine zone, where Colonel Curtis tells Tom Sizemore “Come with me, I’ll show you things you’ve never seen before” but he’s just showing him some infected people. A few minutes ago Sizemore helped blow up hundreds of aliens who ran into a giant self-destructing space ship. So I don't know what Curtis is talking about. Anyway, Tom Sizemore walks outside and sees Henry and they stare at each other while Henry reads his mind or something. Then Henry looks at Colonel Curtis and is like “What’s up with those eyebrows?”
Curtis and Sizemore go to the Colonel’s office and Curtis talks about how hard it is to kill all these infected people but he’s gotta do it, and he calls Sizemore “Mother Teresa” for questioning whether it’s the right thing. Sizemore goes back outside and talks to Henry, who tells him that Colonel Curtis “has gone insane from hunting aliens for thirty years”. He then quotes Sizemore’s father’s dying words and says if he doesn’t help him, “some interplanetary shit is going to hit the fan.” So Sizemore tells Colonel Curtis about this, and says that Henry is out in the shed so Curtis can go and kill him. Except that he totally Punks Curtis and sends him to the wrong shed on the other side of the base, then Sizemore goes to Henry’s shed and crashes his truck through the wall, then tells Henry to get in. Henry’s like “gee you’re lucky you didn’t kill me” and Sizemore figured that he’d read his mind and know to get out of the way. Sizemore also called Curtis’s superior officer, General Matheson, to come and take over the operation. When Curtis realizes how Sizemore fucked him over, he says out loud, “Okay, [Sizemore]... You just drove over the Curtis Line!”
British Alien gets a flat tire and runs off the road. Meanwhile, Henry & Sizemore are driving towards his general direction. Henry is like “Cool gun, man, can I have a look?” So Sizemore is like “Yeah I guess so” and he gives Henry his gun to play with. Back in the Memory Warehouse, Jonesy is pacing around his secret office, and suddenly a phone appears on his desk. Cut to Henry and Sizemore, and we hear the sound a phone ringing. The ringing is coming from the gun. Henry puts the gun to his head and starts using it like a phone. I’m not making this up. He’s like “Jonesy? Trouble in Massachusetts? We’ll be right there!”
Then Jonesy hangs up on him.
Henry tells Sizemore that they have to go to Derry, Maine and pick up Duddits because he’s the only one who can stop Mr. Gray. He also figures out that Jonesy is the only one who can survive being taken over by Mr. Gray because he died when he got hit by that car 6 months ago. So Duddits set this up or something. Whatever. Anyway, they get to Duddits’ house and Henry mentions that it’s been years since they last saw him. So they never visited him? Henry goes inside and meets old, bald Duddits, who is played by Donnie Whalberg.
His mother tells Henry that Duddits has Leukemia, which seems like something Henry should know already, but whatever. Duddits’ Mother is like “Go save the world” and lets her retarded son leave with Tom Sizemore and this guy who talks into guns. Then Sizemore loads his gun that Colonel Curtis gave to him earlier (he’d taken the bullets out before Henry used it as a phone), and we zoom in on the gun to reveal a tracking device hidden inside it.
Colonel Curtis has a secret room where he’s keeping track of Sizemore’s moves. Now he knows they’re headed to Massachusetts. Back on the road, British Alien waves down another car and kills the driver. But Henry, Sizemore and Duddits are hot on their trail. Duddits mentions “Ishter Gay” and Henry is like “Of course! “Ishter Gay” is Mister Gray!” And we even flashback Duddits saying it as a kid. Duddits says something about water, and Henry is like “Oh my God! Of course! Mr. Grey is going to poison the Boston drinking supply!” So now they know exactly where British Alien is going. Duddits also sends a telepathic message to Mr. Gray and makes him drive off the road. Oh I forgot to mention, Mr. Gray has a dog in the back of the car that he infected earlier, so the dog is pregnant with one of those alien asshole worms.

Back at the quarantine base, Colonel Curtis steals a chopper. In a deleted scene that’s on the DVD, he kills one of soldiers as he escapes and also mentions crossing “The Curtis Line” again, but unfortunately they cut that part out and made him a little less crazy. British Alien is almost at the water supply or whatever, and Jonesy tricks him into crashing his car again. The alien just sucks at driving. Henry, Sizemore & Duddits are almost there too. British Alien carries the pregnant dog into the water supply building while singing a lullaby.
Now he just has to lift up a manhole cover and drop the alien worm inside. Mr. Gray can bite people in half, but he’s having a hard time lifting up this manhole cover.
Sizemore tells Henry to stay in the car while he goes and kills the alien. He starts walking towards the water supply office with a machine gun, when Colonel Curtis suddenly shows up in the chopper and starts firing the chopper’s gatling gun at Sizemore. Why? Because he crossed the Curtis Line, I guess.
Anyway, Sizemore fires back at Curtis with his much smaller gun, and actually ends up taking down Curtis’s chopper with the very gun that Curtis gave to him earlier. Colonel Curtis’s last words are “You son of a bitch!” Then the chopper crashes and he dies.
Sizemore dies too.
Henry picks up Sizemore’s gun and goes to the water supply office. Duddits is still carrying the Scooby-Doo lunch box around and a Scooby-Doo doll, because he is retarded and retards love Scooby-Doo. Mr. Gray’s dog gives birth to the alien worm and it starts slithering towards the water supply, but Henry comes in and fires his gun all over the place until he finally kills it.
Then he thinks he might have to shoot Jonesy because he doesn’t know if Mr. Gray is gone or not. They discuss it while an egg falls out of the dead alien worm, and a little baby worm crawls out of the egg.
Henry tells Jonesy to tell him something that Mr. Gray wouldn’t know, to prove it’s really him. The best thing that Mr. Gray can come up with is “SSDD”, which isn’t good enough. So he asks him about the day they met Duddits, “what was written on the wall?” Mr. Gray struggles to think of the answer, then he says “No bounce...” and suddenly, Duddits enters and finishes for him, “...No play.”
Donnie Whalberg really went Full Retard here. He’s like “We meet again, Ister Gay.” So then the Mr. Gray appears to leave Jonesy’s body and gets ready to fight Duddits. Duddits literally says “Ooby-ooby-doo, we got some work to do now”, then drops his lunch box and marches towards the giant British alien. “Ister Gay, go away” he says, then Mr. Gray impales him with his giant claw.
Duddits isn’t going down like this. He holds up his hands, yells “I Duddits!” And then Duddits morphs into a giant retarded alien.
Retarded Alien and British Alien are fighting while Henry and Jonesy watch, and I guess Duddits infects Mr. Gray or something, then they both explode into a cloud of red dust.
Jonesy and Henry look at each other. The baby worm crawls towards the water supply hole...